


Daddy issues

by LevisTears



Series: Oneshots [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Trans Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:21:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28756536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LevisTears/pseuds/LevisTears
Summary: When clearing out the attic of Levi's uncle, Erwin finds something he wishes he never lay his eye upon.
Relationships: Kenny Ackerman/Levi, Levi/Erwin Smith
Series: Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107023
Kudos: 19





	Daddy issues

Beside the platform of the nearby train station stands Levi and Erwin awaiting someone coming off a train within the next few minutes, that is if it comes on time though what isn't likely to happen. One of the pair, Levi, is unable to wait any longer for this person to show up. He finds himself pacing on the spot waiting for him to come. The blonde, Erwin who is beside him, sees this and smiles looking at his watch for the time. Erwin brings an arm around his waist to calm his husband "he'll be here soon Levi" He smiles warmly and finds the raven melting into his touch.

He sighs blowing a strand of hair out of his face as he does so. "I know Erwin" He adds, now actively having to move the strand itself "I'm just excited that's all" Excited. It was a word that brought amusement to Erwin, as his roommate often being the straight-faced little kitten of the two would never say such a thing in normal circumstances. They had both known each other throughout school and had an obvious attraction to the other that got admitted, never acted on. though they aren't dating they somewhat treat each other like boyfriends. Though with this circumstance Erwin clearly is aware of what is making him act so differently. He is going to see his dad, well uncle to be more accurate and Erwin sees he's clearly awaiting him.

Erwin poses him a question "hasn't it only been a week Levi?" He smirks "why are you so looking so desperate to see him?" Levi turns and looks up at him. Erwin can only raise a brow at his expression; Levi looked different. His eyes wore a certain brightness to them, like a spring chick and his mouth was pulling a small smile. Erwin thought he looked absolutely adorable compared to his normal face, that was still fantastic and all. Though, this one had a certain ring to it, a childlike tendency that only came along when with this man. Erwin who just smiles at his face deducts one thing, that thing is that it must be one of those unconscious psychological reactions. He hasn't a name for it but finds a prime example involving himself, such as when he meets up with Mike and Nanaba and Erwin acts like he's out drinking at university. Like seeing someone from your past brings out that past self within you. That's all he can describe it as.

"Because I care for him that's why" Levi explains and suddenly pipes up even more when a train pulls into the station, making him nearly jump on the spot. Erwin does find his behaviour odd for himself. The train doors creak open and people walk out in clusters, Levi standing on his tippy toes trying to get a better look for any sight of his uncle. But soon they see a hat within the crowd and Levi let's out a happy noise leaving Erwin behind to rush up to him. Approaching the carriage and seeing if it is, in fact, his uncle, which it was, Levi runs and wraps his arms around him in a hug. Again, Erwin thinks his behaviour is odd. Erwin walks over to them both and doesn't question what they seem to be whispering to each other, as for one, it's none of his business. "I missed you dad" he smiles standing back to look at him and Erwin soon joins by his side. Kenny takes a quick glance at Erwin before looking back to Levi.

"I missed you too" he smiles fixing his hat not making eye contact with Erwin but keeps staring at Levi whilst they just smile at each other "...nice to see you, Erwin..."

"Pleasure," Erwin says seeing they are staring at each other and feeling a little bit creeped out. This is their normal but he feels out of place when he's there. "So where should we start?" He asks turning to Levi and watches him think. "It's just past 10 o'clock now"

"Umm, there's this new-

"We'll go shopping" Kenny adds patting his nephew on the shoulder, interrupting what he was saying. It leaves a bad taste in Erwin's mouth "shouldn't we Levi?" Erwin can tell by the way he is talking that the question is more like a confirmation than a question. Levi just nods following what he said.

Erwin who finds himself lagging behind the two can only think about what he is seeing and what happened just before with the lack of a question. They enter a clothes shop and he feels the atmosphere intensify as Levi stands near the man constantly, almost like an obedient animal. Kenny picks some shirts out and says they would suit Levi a lot. Levi isn't so sure but a look from him has him agreeing and Kenny taking his card out. Erwin can see he doesn't like the shirts but keeps his mouth shut. "Dad, don't you think you should pick something out for yourself?" Levi questions for the older man to ruffle his hair, Erwin sees Levi smiles when he does this and secretly pulls a face.

"Nah I'm fine Levi" he smiles "Dad has got plenty at home, I want to make sure my best boy looks nice" Levi just nods and Erwin has to try and not choke on the bottle of water he bought himself earlier before they met up with Kenny. Erwin finds an issue with one thing they are saying, though, in reality, it's harmless due to the circumstances. Levi calling him dad. He knows it's stupid and he shouldn't question it, but still, it rubs him the wrong way, especially because Erwin finds he treats him like a child at times when Levi isn't a child, he's a man of 24 years of age. A grown man who has a teaching degree and has the responsibility and liability for nearly 30 children from the ages of 3-5, 5 days a week. He's a grown man he can look after himself. Though Erwin does know it's common for parents to still think of their children....as well...children. Erwin does understand the bond they share, as Levi never got to meet his parents due to a car crash on the way to the hospital to be born. They managed to rush in and cut him out before it was too late. No injuries and his uncle was there to take him into his care immediately. He's lucky to be alive and Erwin knows it. Erwin is lucky to have met him and to have known him since they were children. Erwin loves him so much. He does but part of him wants their relationship to be like a married couple, it saddens him because they had never slept together before, even if they weren't dating. After all, Levi won't allow it and not to mention that ever since they living together and their attractions became evident, Levi had seemed off in away. When Erwin did question why their relationship wasn't like what he envisioned, Levi just adds that it's his dysphoria and he wasn't ready for a relationship yet per se. OK, he respects that..but still......he doesn't think it would affect his ability to suck him off. Erwin won't argue about this and will respect him. Besides Erwin doesn't want to push it and cause Levi to withdraw his rights to touch himself to him as he's in the room, and yes that is something that was agreed on and Erwin thinks it is all too confusing. That's their sex...(loveless???) sex of the sort and Erwin has to deal with it, even though Erwin does want to be able to kiss him and not to mention fulfil his dream of someday kissing him all over as they lay together intimately.

Erwin is brought out of his thoughts by Levi who is weirdly enough tugging his sleeve "Erwin? Hello? You in there?" He presses and Erwin blinks coming back to reality. Kenny just stands arms crossed looking unamused. Erwin is sure he hears him mumble something alongside the words of "could have chosen better" when he's checking back into reality. He ignores it and gives them his attention. Erwin is sure Levi must have talked about his attraction to him at some point with his uncle "We're done, let's go pay and then we can grab a bite to eat"

They pay for Levi's new clothes and head back to the station cafe for food before his uncle would take the train back. They sit eating, making small talk as they go and they don't realise that Kenny had left them to talk for a moment before heading back to the table, a little plastic bag in hand. He hands it to Levi who raises a brow after being told to have a look at what he's gotten him. There in the bag was a few caramel shortbreads for him and Levi smiles up at him. Kenny looks at him momentarily before saying something not taking his eyes off Levi. "Levi you know when you ran up to me I said I had to talk to you, can we talk about it now...alone"

Erwin gets a shock when Levi stands abruptly from the table and gets a glare off his uncle. The raven clears his throat tucking his chair in and leaving the bag behind before walking off "don't touch my shortbread Erwin" he reminds the blonde who is stuck sitting there as he is walking out of sight with his uncle. Erwin groans into his sandwich wishing he knew how the FUCK to get Levi to be more lovey-dovey with him. He just wishes he knew how to do this or more of the fact, he wants to have the courage to ask him if they could enhance their relationship. He wants Levi to show as much excitement with him as he does with that man who isn't even his actual father but his mother's brother who just popped along to the hospital that day to see his nephew and leave. Erwin knows this isn't an overreaction of him on his part, as Kenny has many of times, admitted he was just there to see him by Kuchel's demand and get on with his life afterwards. Again Erwin knows he's lucky as if Kenny hadn't of taken him in, he would have been possibly tossed around from home to home being fostered or maybe adopted by some family and likely would have not met him, who knows.

They appear after 15 minutes of Erwin grumbling in his chair wondering, what takes 15 minutes to talk about? They approach the table and Erwin looks straight at Levi. He looks off and some of his hair is a mess. "What took you two so long?" He questions with a fake smile "and why is your hair a mess Levi?"

Levi opens his mouth to answer but is interrupted by Kenny speaking for him once again. "He tripped over a little and I caught him" he explains and flattens down his hair. Erwin just sees Levi nod and accepts that answer, though he feels as if they are lying to him, Erwin knows he being paranoid right now but can't help it. Kenny grabs his coat off the back of the chair and puts it on straightening himself up. "My train is coming soon, thank you for your time Levi" he smiles "and...Erwin." Erwin holds in an annoyed noise watching Levi walk him over to his platform and doesn't say much on the car ride back home.

That evening after working around the house on work and cleaning, Erwin retires to bed and sighs the usual sigh seeing Levi making his way to the sofa. That was one of his roommate's oddities, as when he has spent time with his uncle, he'd put himself on the sofa to sleep, no matter how much Erwin would want him in bed with him that they agreed to share. Erwin doesn't question and goes to sleep the same as usual, apart from cuddling the pillow as some sort of Levi replacement. Though he is awoken at just past 02:32 his phone tells him by the sound of cries in the other room. He widens his eyes and gets up immediately knowing that it can't be anyone else but Levi. Entering the room he sees him bent over on the sofa crying and comes to his side asking what's wrong. "Levi, what's the matter?" He says softly hearing his clearly distraught cries "please tell me"

Levi raises his head and Erwin sees he's shaken by something "my dad is gone" is all he's able to cry through the fit of tears and Erwin is sure he knows what he means. He asks him to expand what he was saying and Levi gives him his answer. Levi tells him he'd just got a call off the hospital to say Kenny has died after being hit by a car whilst intoxicated. Erwin tries to comfort him but inside feels like he's just got his friend back for the first time. He feels sad for Levi but can't stop the massive mound of joy that lays inside him now. Erwin has to stop himself from smiling.

The next day they travel to his home in order to clear it out and see what they both can salvage to sell. Levi takes charge of the kitchen, cleaning it head to toe whilst trying to find food and drink they can take back with them to consume. As Levi does this, Erwin is cleaning the living room by taking everything outside they don't need and putting it in a landfill. He soon finishes and goes to check up on Levi by leaning up against the doorframe of the kitchen door. "Everything alright in here?" He questions and Levi stands up brushing himself off.

"Yeah it is" he adds "I'm going to have to get some more boxes though from the supermarket. Erwin could you sort out his room for me whilst I'm gone, just the bed and that but if you come across anything that looks like his CD or DVD collection, please don't touch it. I'll sort that out, ok?" Erwin nods and Levi leaves the house leaving him alone. He strips the sheets and clears the wardrobes, even pulling a little bit of a face coming across a box of condoms he throws in the bin bag, that is until he takes them back out and checks the date before shoving some in his jacket just in case a miracle fucking happens and Levi spreads his legs for him at some time in the future. He doubts it will happen but he's prepared just in case. Now done Erwin takes a small look around to see if they are missing anything. Walking around the upstairs floor he suddenly stops seeing what looks like an attic above him. Levi never mentioned an attic and assumes he doesn't know it exists.

Erwin reaches up and pulls down a door what nearly knocks him flying as ladders drop down scaring him. Erwin climbs up expecting to be attacked by a wall of dust and useless rubbish, but he isn't. Instead, he climbs into a room full of organised boxes and in the middle of theses boxes sits a single chair and TV with DVD player. Erwin starts to think this was his so-called man cave but soon forgets that idea when he takes a closer look at the boxes. Taking a closer look at one he sees them labelled. This one says "Levi and I. Age 16" he raises a brow going down a few boxes to his left and reads another "Lucy and I. Age 4" he opens that box up and finds sleeves and sleeves of disks. He smiles to himself knowing he just come across possibly thousands of home videos of Levi growing up. He checks the latest disk in the box of Levi's current age and looks confused seeing yesterday's date on and the number 16,032. He's amazed at the sheer number of videos they have together. He's glad he's found these and smiles walking over to the left more to the first box to find a box of Levi before the age of 1. He smiles opening it and almost jumps with glee finding one disk out of every single one that is numbered as the first one in the massive line up. It has Levi's birth date and captioned "Lucy and I first meeting the day she was born" he wants to watch it and hopes Levi won't mind him doing so.

Erwin takes the disk and walks over to the TV sitting down and loading it up. He waits with a smile as it loads and soon enough it's playing. The camera is pointed at the ground in what he assumes is the hospital and he can hear a nurse in the background saying they will give them some privacy and the door shutting behind them. He lifts the camera up and goes over to a cot in the corner. Erwin sees a newborn Levi and just awws at the screen. Kenny points it at him rubbing his little soft face with the back of his hand. "Hi there little girl" he soothes his voice "it's me, your uncle Kenny or I should say, daddy, it's nice to meet you, Lucy." Erwin watches Levi wrap his little hand around his finger "haha are you trying to hold my hand? You're so cute, you look just like your mother when she was a baby, I'm her big bro by the way. I'll be looking after you now because mummy and daddy got in an accident and can't look after you anymore" Erwin feels saddened but soon curious seeing him walk over to the door and lock it before walking back. "Exactly, I have to look after you now...this is your fault you little shit, that my baby sister is dead" Erwin widens his eyes confused "I've been forced to have some fucking brat I don't want....but don't worry I'll make use of you soon enough you little fucker, actually why not now" Erwin frowns still confused and hears him laugh a little followed by a clacking noise in the background. What Erwin sees happen next has his face turning pale and air leaving his lungs as suddenly, Levi's uncle takes his hard cock out bringing it close to Levi as he stokes it. Erwin is frozen in place. "Better to get them started young" he smirks and brings it to Levi's mouth letting the young newborn baby Levi who now this second opens his eyes for the first time suckle on it. Erwin wants to fucking scream but he can't move, though it isn't him that ends up screaming in the end.

A matter of a few minutes beforehand, Levi comes walking through the front door with boxes in hand from the supermarket. He calls out for Erwin putting the boxes into the doorway. "Erwin? I'm back, where are you?" He calls to get no response from the blonde and just shrugs effortlessly, checking the other rooms to see if they are clean. Levi walks into the living room and sees it's clean. He checks the bedroom and finds it clean too. Levi calls out again and still has nothing said back to him. Levi stands assuming Erwin may have gone for a small breather out the back or something because of the dust. He doesn't check but goes along with the idea.

Levi goes along with the idea that he isn't in the house and decides to sort out the thing that had been on his mind since they stepped into here. Levi is filled with anxiety making his way over to the room though he is happy Erwin isn't there to see what he's doing. He wants privacy. Levi walks over to the area below the attic sort of holding his breath unknowingly until he finds himself coming to a halt in the hallway. He stops dead still and feels himself starting to panic the second he sees the stairs down. He might just be in time to stop the blonde's curious personality from causing shit to hit the fan. Levi sprints towards the stairs and scrambles up them praying he isn't too late. He is late, far too fucking late and he stands up now in the attic to see his friend sitting there watching the picture on the TV still as can be.

Levi can only let out a panicked screech behind Erwin and Erwin turns with what control he has to see Levi standing there looking horrified. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" He screeches rushing over and taking the disk out as quickly as possible, shoving it back into its case and into the box it came. Levi storms away back downstairs and Erwin is left sitting there having a fucking crisis as Levi is walking into the kitchen, body shaking, trying to stop himself from screaming. Erwin just blinks taking a moment before his mind starts to mend what it just saw. He starts to think he was imagining things, he has to be, tells himself this is merely the concoction of overworking or the dust in this room. It has to be. He's just hallucinating he tells himself. He tells himself he can't hear the noise of Levi's muffled panic screams downstairs. Tells himself it was some cringe-worthy home video that made Levi embarrassed, not his uncle putting his dick in his newborn mouth and recording it. Not that Levi just walked into his friend watching a video of him being violated as a newborn. That's all it is. A home video. Nothing else. Nothing else at all. Everything in here is just home videos of the two. Nothing bad. Nope. Erwin's mind starts to second guess and he jumps up from the chair starting to take the boxes downstairs after 10 minutes of internal panic. He acts normal and so does Levi though Erwin can clearly see he looks nigh on traumatised. Erwin knows he must have seen things that weren't there. That's what he makes himself believe.

The rest of the day Levi is near silent and distant towards Erwin. That night Erwin finds he's avoiding the bed and has himself stationed in the sofa for the second night in a row. It gets to half 1 and he can't sleep as his mind is wild trying to figure out what he saw. He has enough and gets out of bed seeing the living room light is still on. He has to ask him about it to give himself closure. Erwin walks into the living room to see Levi sitting there, head back against the sofa and teary faced staring off into nothingness. He just sits beside Levi on the sofa and after a moment asks him if what he saw was real or not. "Levi was that video what I think it was?" He asks gently and his worst fear comes for him as Levi answers.

"It is" he admits after a few seconds.

"Are there more like this?"

"Everything that was in the attic" he breathes "and they are home movies of times we spent together." Erwin is surprised he's so calm about it and feels puzzled seeing he almost looks happy to talk about these things. "Do you want to see more?"

"More?"

"Yeah, they'll gather dust if we don't watch some of them." He adds suddenly smiling.

"Umm ok?" Erwin says worried watching him stand up and head towards a box that had been shoved in the corner. Erwin thinks he's having a breakdown right now because there's no way he's so happy with these being in the open and the fact his friend now knows what has been going on behind the scenes.

"Woah he burnt this onto a disk so quickly!" He gleams and brings a disk over and Erwin sits horrified but doesn't act it as Levi shows him the one at the train station. The blonde now knows Levi and him weren't in fact talking but fucking in the cafe bathroom. Levi has the side of his face pushed into the back of the wall as he's bent over the toilet. Kenny's hand over his mouth to keep him quiet as he slams into him from behind him, his free hand videoing the whole thing. He watches as Levi is a moaning mess in that tiny tiny bathroom cubicle and his uncle is destroying him.

"Does that feel good my little boy?" He moans into his ear "does it feel good having Daddy's cock pound that needy little cunt of yours?"

Erwin watches Levi in the video moan back to have his uncle cover his mouth again slackly "yes!" He whispers "I love it, daddy, ~"

"You need to keep it down Levi baby" he whispers "you don't want your precious friend Erwin to hear you've been getting off with me instead of him, do you?" Levi shakes his head "exactly, he can't find out how much of a filthy whore you are loving to get pounded by your dad" As the video keeps playing, Erwin sits angrily now knowing all this time he hasn't been sleeping with him because he's been sleeping with his uncle. Erwin is mad because he's enjoying this, if these were videos of him being raped in a situation he had no option to deny, he could excuse this, but Levi is happily taking him inside him. He's wanting him inside him and not the man he is attracted to. He had lied saying it was his dysphoria when all this time Levi was seeing his own uncle/dad behind Erwin's back. Seeing him all this time. Erwin was FUCKING FURIOUS! So furious in fact, if he had flames in his eyes he's sure they'd show up on his eyebrows too.

When it finishes Levi looks to see Erwin is angry. "Erwin, what's wrong? Why are you angry?"

"Because he's done this to you Levi since you were born, that date and time on that first video I watched in the attic...L-Levi....you weren't even an hour old!" Erwin finds himself starting to cry for him and he gets even more annoyed seeing Levi doesn't understand why he's mad by the confused innocent face he's pulling.

"Erwin don't cry...I don't know why you are crying? He's doing nothing wrong in these, he loves me." Levi says softly and Erwin snaps.

"Are you alright in the fucking head!?" He grits standing up and Levi stands too, shocked at him.

"Why are you asking that?" Levi questions.

"You think that's right?! That he loved you, Levi?! Levi! He's been raping you! For all of your life! He doesn't love you!" Erwin shouts at him and Levi starts crying.

"Don't you dare say something like that! My daddy loved me!" Levi argued

"No, he didn't! He's not your dad! He's an abusive and rapist uncle! HOW CAN'T YOU SEE THIS!?"

"You're just jealous!"

"I'm not fucking jealous Levi! You're delusional! A weirdo who can't admit they've been getting off with their uncle for years and years! I'm furious and feel betrayed that for all this time you never told me! And you know I've wanted to have an intimate relationship with my own FUCKING! FRIEND WHO I KNOW LOVES ME! for years since we met! And you lied about the reason when you were busy going out of your way to have sex with this man!... I feel like I can't trust you....what even is this friendship? I can't believe I thought I wanted to be with you" Erwin starts backing up towards the front door of the apartment "Levi I don't think I can do this anymore-"

Levi steps forward and grabs his collar shoving him against the wall, now sobbing at his words, his innocent face gone. "DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING STUPID ERWIN!?" He screeches "I KNEW WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON! I COULDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU BECAUSE I KNEW YOU'D REACT LIKE THIS! I HAD TO LIE! DON'T YOU EVEN CALL ME UNFAITHFUL! I NEVER SLEPT WITH YOU! THAT WAS WHY! I FELT GUILTY ERWIN! I AM FUCKING GUILTY! I'M A FUCKING DIRTY BITCH!" Levi steps away from him "I'm sorry...I am...Erwin...I know...Erwin that you're angry...just please don't leave me...PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! I'LL DO ANYTHING I BEG OF YOU! HIT ME IF YOU NEED TO! JUST PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!" Levi grabs his arm putting it near his face. "GO ON! HIT ME! BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME! DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO MAKE THINGS BETTER! I LOVE YOU ERWIN BUT FOR YOU I CAN TAKE IT! TAKE IT OUT ON ME! I'M THE WORST FUCKING THING ON THIS WORLD!......I'm dirty....and horrible...and...and...I'm disgusting and weird......and you don't want me anymore" Levi lets go and stands crying, his hands over his face. "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! ERWIN I'M FUCKING SORRY! SHOVE IT IN ME NOW IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT! WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY!" He begs for Erwin's forgiveness once again and soon feels Erwin's warm arms wrap around him.

Levi feels the same dampness come from Erwin and they just drop to their knees together holding the other tight. Regret filling Erwin's words. "It's ok" he cries "everything is OK Levi, we're going to find you some help, a therapist if you want to"

"No" Levi cries "I don't need it, could we still be a thing?"

"Yes, of course, we still can be sweetheart," Erwin says wiping his eyes "I didn't mean to say any of that just then, I'm just as confused about all this as you are...I'm sorry Levi, forgive me"

"But do you forgive me, Erwin, for doing this?"

"You have no right to apologise Levi" he explains "you never had a choice, never since you were born, I'm here to help you through this and get you whatever support you need"

"Erwin I know this is stupid and I understand if you get mad for me suggesting this but hear me out here" Levi starts "Now that he's gone and I am free to actually be with you without having to worry about him, could you maybe.......maybe..... now be my daddy?"

Erwin just looks at him, possibly a hundred questions flying through his head at once. one question is if Levi has lost his mind for real. "You want me...to be that?" A simple yes sends his mind again into a tailspin and he has to clarify more "so you want me to act like he was in the videos, as in you call me that name and I call you whatever I see fit?" Another yes from Levi. "And just to clarify, even more, you're not doing this because you find it hot but to heal with me?" A yes is added and Erwin realises something "wait does this mean that we're dating? As in I can kiss you and touch you?"

"It does mean that" Levi explains with a laugh "I guess that grabs your interest? People online would say your priorities are wrong and horrific. I'm not saying that I'm only going to sleep with you if you agree to this, that would be silly to do so. I just want you to think about it, ok?"

"I will" Erwin adds and watches as Levi goes to sit back down on the sofa "what are you doing?"

"Going to sleep" he explains and Erwin laughs to himself before he suddenly hoisted Levi up in his arms without any warning. Levi instinctively lets out a child-like squeal, going red in the face and covering his mouth. "Ah....sorry about that"

"It's fine" Erwin smiles and Levi finds he is being escorted into their room.

"What's happening?"

"What do you mean by that?" Erwin smirks putting him down on the floor "I want to sleep beside my boyfriend now" Boyfriend. It was a horrific thing to call this and Erwin knew he was taking advantage without meaning to.

"Ah ok" Levi sighs getting into bed, "I thought you were going to do something for a second there"

"You're funny" Erwin laughs "why would I try something with you when you're emotionally vulnerable right now and presumably can't make rational choices"

"Oh...I can make choices though" He adds for Erwin to shake his head.

"Levi...you were asking me to strike you down not even 10 minutes ago because you were sort of having a breakdown" Erwin explains "to me, like right now, this second, it sounds like you can't do so"

"I guess you're right" Levi sighs and he knows fine well that what Erwin is saying to him is true. He stood there and begged for him to do that. Levi has to admit that wasn't like himself, that is was some panicked string of thoughts that his mind had him say to sound desperate. He thinks Erwin must believe he's an idiot. After a moment silence Levi says something to him "I'm sorry for asking such a thing" he sighs and feels Erwin turn around and wrap his arms around his waist bringing them closer. They just look at each other before Erwin leans forward and kisses the tip of his nose. Levi finds himself unable to breathe from the simple gesture as he blushes a tad. "What was that for?"

"Because I wanted to kiss you Levi" he smiles "and because I like to see you blush...I want to pour as much love and respect into you as possible"

"I see" Levi breathes "thank you"

"I'm so happy I have the old you back" he smiles now bringing Levi's head next to his so they are cuddling "I love you" he breathes and Levi starts to feel love pour into him. His warmth making him begin to smile and return the hold.

"I love you too" Levi smiles.

"Are you sure you don't need to see anyone?"

"Why waste the government's money for some tired overworked lady to tell me to suck it up and just get on with my life" he sighs into a laugh and In some sick way Erwin knew he was right, completely right. What the fuck can someone say to fix this? Though there is something Erwin thinks can work. Respect his decisions and allow him control in his life.

Erwin has one last question "why didn't you tell me, Levi?"

"Because back then I was scared of being taken away and that led to my older self feeling worried about you finding out. I'm sorry...I should have said something"

"It's ok Levi" he adds "you had no control and started telling yourself it was normal, I understand"

"You're the best man on this world Erwin" he smiles "anyone else would most likely kick me out the door in a heartbeat even though I couldn't help what was going on, though if that was the case, the cycle must continue"

"You're welcome, unlike other people I'm not out to call myself the victim. Though I have to admit, I was a little jealous of how close you two acted...are you happy he's gone?"

Levi immediately gives him an "I'm more than happy he is, I'm just a little sad because he is family and raised me. That's understandable right?"

"It is and trust me, Levi, I don't want to sound like I'm romanticising this situation, but I'll say it again, I'm here to comfort you and do whatever you need to make you feel better"

The next day whilst Levi is at work after being forced away for days as they paint the walls, Erwin is sat at his desk in his study room, his fingers making a search online. He wants to find out more. He simply types in "daddy kink" to see what comes up. He clicks on the first result what happens to be a porn website. He tightens his lips clicking the video and watches. He doesn't gauge anything from that and tries somewhere else. His search changes to "what's a daddy kink?" He clicks on some articles and reads what they had to say. From what he understands most people with this kink aren't actually into having sex with their father but instead are looking for a switch in power, to be controlled and dominated. Erwin would go with this, but this, in fact, is not the normal situation. Levi was forced into this by his father figure uncle his entire life until now. Erwin tries to find a connection that brings loose ends together so this can fit this with what he's reading. Erwin thinks that he didn't enjoy the whole "I'm actually fucking my dad" but instead the sex and being controlled like that. He deducts that if he wants to try this with him, he'll have to be like that and try and get into the mindset. That's what he isn't sure about, how to do it. He thinks back to what he read feeling clueless, he doesn't know how to treat Levi or what to say...then he remembers the disks now shoved in the cupboard. He internally shivers feeling morbid curiosity creep onto him and slowly chips him away. Because at the end of the day, why not find out what Levi likes, from Levi himself. He thinks of watching a few to get what he needs before he stops mid-thought to realise what the fuck he's saying. What he was going to do. Erwin feelings are now mixed with guilt knowing he was a few seconds away from actively going out of his way to watch those videos of his boyfriend. Those horrific videos of him being abused for years. He could sob at his mistake but instead groans into his hands annoyed at himself for thinking that. Levi didn't even say he could touch them. If he's going to see any more, it will be Levi who shows them to him. Nothing in those boxes are his to look at casually, they're Levi's to handle. He has to remind himself this.

Erwin not going to touch the disks now thinks back to what Levi had shown him. He thinks about what happened in the video and decides if he's going to do this, he's going to make Levi feel better than he ever had. He's not going to copy his uncle. he has to do the right thing here even if he wants to be intimate with him. He sets a plan into motion for when Levi gets back.

Levi that afternoon steps back into the apartment sighing. "Erwin, I'm back" Levi sighs tired, stepping through the door and rubbing his tired eyes as he puts his bag down on the counter. Erwin Immediately walks out to meet him at the door and raises a brow seeing he's covered in paint. He doesn't have to ask as Levi answers for him. "It looks great doesn't it?" He jokes walking over to the kitchen sink to wash it off his face "Yaeger and Jean, fight in paint area that got too messy and led to me having to pry them apart" Levi sighs looking down at his clothes walking back to the doorway where Erwin was. Levi just groans examining the fabric of his clothes "I don't know if it'll wash out...I really like this cardigan...ah I'm soaked in paint water." He whines before laughing "and it was right before home time too, so I couldn't punish them"

"Who started it?" Erwin questions and the look Levi gives clearly means it was Eren. "Let's get this off you"

Erwin sees as the look in Levi's eyes changes to what he saw in the most recent of the two videos he saw. "want to take them off for me?" Levi smiles, far too darkly for Erwin's liking before he snakes a hand over his chest. Erwin's heart goes wild but stops himself knowing this isn't right. he has to do the right thing here, even if he would love to strip him down and call Levi ever name he wants Erwin to call him.

"No" Erwin adds "I'm not. you can Levi, this isn't my right and I'm not overstepping things."

"what?" Levi asks surprised

"sleeping with you isn't going to solve things. things are still raw and I don't want to take advantage of you when you are like this. if you want something like this, you will have to wait. we will build our relationship and we will be intimate when I know everything will be ok. I hope you understand Levi, it is for your own good. I want you to know you don't need sex to feel love or sorts. you can dry yourself off and we can sit and watch tv, sound good?"

Levi just walks off to do that, completely confused. they sit afterwards watching tv, Erwin cuddling with him. Levi finds this weird, Kenny never did this with him. Erwin just kisses his forehead seeing him deep in thought, he just says that he loves Levi and he nods in return. Erwin keeps holding him tight and rocks him a little until Levi says something. "Erwin help me destroy them" he silently adds "the disks"

"I was wondering if you were ever going to dispose of them" he sighs "should I throw them into the bin for you"

"No we need to destroy them, anyone could get their hands on them" Levi adds "it'll ruin my career if people see them. Could we do it now?" His look is desperate and shows Erwin this is all he wants to do. Erwin wants to help him however he can and doing this will do just that. Erwin and he bring all the boxes into the living room and sit facing each other. They start from the most recent one at the train station and Levi just looks at the disk in his hands. Erwin sees he's struggling to get rid of what's left of his family and the person who he had a forced bond with. "Erwin could we watch one then break one" he suggests and Erwin widens his eyes at him.

"What!?"  
"Some people say it's a good way to get rid of trauma to expose yourself to the things that caused it" he explains "could we...you don't have to"

Erwin exhales thinking about the number "ok...I'm with you"

So they start sitting beside each other on the floor, backs against the sofa. They watch the train station one again and afterwards Levi breaks it immediately. When 9 hours have passed and they are 5,000 down of the short videos, they start to reach the hard ones to watch as you can clearly tell that the Levi in the videos doesn't want it at this point. Levi has his face in his hands, only his eyes sticking out. "How old are you here?"

"19 years, 7 months and 5 days "

Erwin closes his eyes knowing he still has 19 years, 7 months and 4 days to go of this history of this torture. Erwin can tell he hates this.

It gets to 4:40 a.m and Levi looks distraught in his face at his point though he doesn't cry. The videos had shortened in length and they were at the final 10. Levi's first 10 days of life. Each one though only a minute or so long felt like they went on for hours. They finish the last one at 5:00 a.m and Levi just holds it in his hands. Erwin sees his hands shaking and knows he's reluctant to destroy the last one, his final bit of evidence that this all happened, the final physical tie he had to his life long trauma. "Deep breaths Levi," he says seeing him crying and watches Levi take a breath in "this is the last one then you are done, all done sweetheart, you don't have to worry about them ever again"

As Erwin is talking, Levi after seeing all the videos now is tired and living those memories out. He feels himself grow angry at the man who did this to him his whole life within a matter of seconds. Levi grits his teeth "FUCK YOU!" He shouts before snapping the final disk in two, but instead of stopping being now done, Levi starts going back into the boxes and breaking them all even more.

He snaps them, he crushes them, he pushes them. He does this screaming bloody murder at all of him. Erwin finds himself upset watching him do this, the emotion pouring from his boyfriend in this time of vulnerability and the blood coming from his hands due to all the sharp edges. After 5 minutes he starts to slow down and comes to a stop. His eyes drenched and hands bloody. "I'm so proud of you" Erwin finds himself crying, taking a hold of his hands in his and wrapping them in his shirt he is taking off leaving him bare-chested. He pulls him into his lap. He wraps his arms around him holding him close "you've done so well Levi" he soothes within the darkness "and I hope together we can still work on solving you of your, Daddy issues."


End file.
